the enchanter

the candid effusion of the enchanting cellist, the stradgirl, THE GIRL.

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Friday, November 23, 2007

[was going to be] another temporary note - last walk

1:00am Wednesday, Nov 14

I kind of forgot what I was going to write.

: refocus :

Oh.

So I am very slow doing what I need to do.
I kind of can't fathom the amount of work I have to do yet. The uncertainty and ignorance renders an alternating mixture of fright and carefree ignorance in me.

It was a beautiful day today, with uncommonly bright sunshine throughout the day. The colours of everything were so vivid and crisp that I had to stop many times on my walk around the campus (likely to be the last one of the year, as I reminded myself) to observe the juxtaposition of the sharply delicate edges of chimney pots against the feathery clouds in the saturated blue skies. The string trio arrangement of Goldberg Variations on my iPod, with its beautiful and pure resonance, was most fitting for the fall skies, dark dry tree barks and reddened and yellowed leaves. The sun made me squint constantly but I was helpless to stop myself from soaking in the green field, the grimed stone walls of old university buildings, the turquoise-blue bronze rooftops and the rich glories of natural autumn hues, red, yellow and brown.
I sat down on a wooden bench by the intersection of my favourite quad at University College, next to a tree where many sparrows come and go. Sparrows are my favourite bird, in a way, in the way their homely ubiquitousness - distinct from that of city pigeons, which are often found annoying - brings back a nostalgic familiarity of childhood memories. The common neighbourhoods of Seoul and Yeosu and Chung-ju, all of the various cities and towns of Korea where mornings are unanimously signaled by and greeted amidst sparrows. [I would say sparrows chirping, but I am not sure if sparrows chirp. Zoologist, anyone?]
I was able to observe many a sparrow at a very close range today, as those sparrows did not seem to mind my presence [as some human beings might, though in the company of animals I speak decidedly less]. Though they all look alike in a swift group flight, from up close they were quite disparate from one another. They surely all had a fuzzy tummy-side, a bit gray and then some white and all sort of wet from the rain puddles from the previous days. But some were fat, some were skinny, one like a bashful adolescent and one compact and hyper-energetic like a curious child. I wondered what it might be like to touch their furry underside. A black squirrel came to join us, near my foot, and for a moment I felt transported into some fairy tale where animals start talking to the little girl and some such.

Walking back was nice, except I kept getting distracted by the overload of sensory stimuli - which were mostly visual, so I had to tilt my head and throw it back to look up at the feast that was presented before my eyes, to be lapped up in as many different angles as possible, so I may take it all in and feel the aching transience of such vivid beauty. As I disappeared finally through the fences around the law school, I lingered to capture the multiple halos around the sun, barely hidden behind the edge of the building, and it was transience that was also everlasting.

All that is transient makes one wish to weep, but nature offers transient beauty that is also eternal - I used to feel much, much saddened, even tragically despaired, by the impossibility of recapturing moments lived and beauty experienced that were clearly all too fleeting. Yet perhaps that desperation was unnecessary. No reason for despair in the eternally renewed cycle of life and beauties. Beauty is everywhere you find it - and though each instance may be unique in the moment, it is an identical likeness, a quality of quiet bliss. Art in this sense is an expression of the transient and eternal - which may be why I found the Bach crushingly beautiful and perfect against the backdrop of an instance of natural beauty.

With one last look back at the sky and the platinum emanation of a half-hidden sun, and the small, semi-distant figures of walkers strolling through the yellow woods in the Park, I slowly stepped into the building, calm and healthy, filled with some grace of life.

posted by the stradgirl* on 23:46|

Sunday, October 28, 2007

what is it doing to me?

So we are almost at the end of a stressful, jam-packed and very fast-paced two months. Stress and workload and issues of adaptation aside, I am not liking what I am becoming at the end of these two months. I feel that I am becoming very ass****-ish in general. Law school seems to be bringing out the worst qualities in me. I feel very selfish, unable to extend beyond the absolutely necessary, extremely critical about most everything and vastly, vastly unhappy - albeit with moments of appreciation, yes - and emotionally oppressed. I ride on stress, basically exhausted but trudging along, and am not really sure where I am going. I realize it does not really matter where I am going, but that does not alleviate the feeling of repressed desperation as I trudge along through the tunnel.

Ha ha ha .. I suppose it is a spoiled existence of which I complain. Yet the degree of hardships is relative and the substance real in experience.

Yeah. So I am an asshole to my family these days as far as I'm concerned. Especially to my poor mother who really simply wants to help me but does inevitably gets in the way and I am such an impatient cranky brat that I do not hide my feeling of annoyance at each disruption.

I also make promises I cannot keep or must break, unable to think ahead or with a clear head at all and being inept and incapable in general.

I didn't really realize/like the idea that writing out in a melodramatic way your feelings could help, but for some reason I find some cathartic value in this now. Perhaps I am less repressive than I was in adolescence. I also read fiction, which is another change, but that is for another time. It does relate. It DOES.

In general I feel that I cannot take care of anybody else but myself, and even doing that in itself is a handful already. I wonder whether I would ever become capable of giving of myself, expressing and making love felt, providing love and care in any shape or form. I wonder if I really even want to, (yes, I do, I do..) given the limited way I feel and my general lack of capacity and emotional reserve. I hate being so sensitive, which tires me out, and I hate being so susceptible, which gives me such a sensory and cognitive overload that I cannot focus and feel overwhelmed.

Despite these hurdles I am supposed to be a high-performing individual. A high-performance individual, like a high-performance utility-vehicle or some such thing. I wonder what I really am sometimes.

OOOo.. dark thoughts. Hey.. I am really okay :( I am just asdfakjfl;froq23noc; about my small group assignment which is to write a memo for a fictitious supreme court judge on what is essentially a tort case but is for a contracts class and I really don't know a hoot about law, legal research, legal writing and do not possess common sense or any concrete academic skills and experience. asdfka;fa;dfa;fjlakjfj

Okay done. Good day, folks. : submerges into an ocean of martian-looking cases etc. that makes no sense, especially in terms of organization, to re-emerge in about 14 hours :

Question: Why do I feel so teenagey angsty? Didn't that end after high school?

posted by the stradgirl* on 20:41|

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Soo
10:25

i really love singing
i played for hours tonight
piece after piece after piece
i had so much tension built up inside of me
eveything i wanted to say but was afraid to say
everything i wanted to say but couldn't say
because i didn't know how
to say
everything came out.. floodgates
and then after i was all done.. or when i had to stop i felt like weeping.
as though i were about to weep.
i miss it but i know i am in the right place now
it makes me learn about who i really am

playing.

yes it was passions
all passions
i couldn't play any happy music
though i ended with libeslied.. love's joy

i had to end it on a happy note even artificially. otherwise i would have cried all night
i would play for you for 2 hours
and now
i've been singing for the last 3 hours.
i would also play the piano
if it weren't so loud
i want to play some grieg lyric pieces
this is so right though
me not doing music as my job
because that just kills it for me.
i need inspiration and all kinds of tension built deep inside in order to play.
because what i play has to have meaning
without it i want to die while i am playing so
this is rather selfish of me
i appreciate your listening
haha

i would have written this in a diary but sadly i no longer keep one.

Soo
10:30

but i am considering keeping one again.
no you are excellent
you know.. the kind of
existential loneliness
aloneness i feel
it isn't so bad

it is what i am used to even from a young age.. i always drew inspiration from it.

Soo
10:32

it is good for me
and my art

Soo
10:32

sad for my heart.

...
Friend
10:32

i had a friend who wanted to kill herself
but wrote really great poetry
and i was really confused about whether to intervene or not

Soo
10:32
yeah
i see
it's when you are brought down to the depths of sorrow and despair
and face your evil that you can emerge with something truly meaningful...
the force of the realization so big that it overcomes you as you know yourself
something great comes up then
but you pay a fair price for it so
can't say whether that is good or bad
necessarily
it just happens i guess.
i keep feeling like weeping

i think i used to feel this way a lot when i was a kid, at night
when i'd sit down to write
with my music
it reminds me of those days. so refreshing
it is good to be home. i think i am going back to my old self
alone and lonely in my self but connected to worlds greater than mine
that i think is one thing that brought me and my family here , to a faraway place.
and now i am getting used to this place.. familiarity returns
anyway
the feeling of weeping... it is unusual maybe but i wouldn't trade it
for anything.
it takes me to wonderful, faraway places. i think i have gotten so used to this place from a young age, that is why i keep connecting to things in my fantasy worlds so much still.
it really is the same , whether i play or write or sing or talk
i just feel as though i could never get enough
fill this void in my heart.
THIS was the identity of that thing that drove me to write so much
this piercing loneliness, aloneness and the wonderful feeling of being transferred to a faraway place.
i also feel closest to mom when i am like this
even though my mind, my being are so far removed from my physical reality
or maybe so much aware of it that i am buried deep within the instant
but i think i can meet her there best
the place she and i both know
and like to be best
and are when we are our best selves.

yes there is a bliss in the piercing sorrow.

posted by the stradgirl* on 22:49|

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Today was a hard day.

I am not sure I'd like to get into the day itself. That might come later.
Interestingly, my frustration led me to two things that I used to take great comfort in: reading good books and exploring my thoughts by way of writing.

I used to think that writing came from some confidence in one's ideas and the desire/urge to share it with others, a desire that is exhibitionist in kind, both didactic and self-affirmative - and therefore paradoxically insecure.

My latest writing experience, however, came from more than just that. I am trying to figure it out as I write this.

When I was younger, I think I wrote because I enjoyed the activity of engaging in my mind. It was great fun exploring my consciousness, often searching for some hidden ideas that I wouldn't have readily noticed. Hence it was necessary for me to concentrate on letting my mind wander freely, without restraint, to a nearly meditative degree.

Earlier today - this morning - I felt the intense need to write in order to explain myself, to untangle the tangle that was obvious enough in my mind yet was also unclear enough to frustrate and confuse me. I like to work things out in my mind, to logically compartmentalize and delineate things even if the order might be ephemeral. That kind of temporary mental quietude, the calmed chaos of mind, also brings such emotional assurance and relief - and this was what I so loved about, craved and found in writing as a child, whatever the reason for such a proclivity and need from such a young age.

And the same with reading. What I enjoyed most about it, rather than a simple indirect experience of other lives or the thrill of following the unfolding of a narrative, was to see a way of ordering the world and life - to see how one person would explain a situation, an experience, or even life itself. To see how he would use characters and events and places, set them up strategically to deliver one complete view of the world, ordered through his set of ideas, logic and intuition. Like an interpretation of a difficult and complex piece - which might or might not be great. It was in this way that I enjoyed reading novels when I was young, and this was the reason why I gravitated nearly exclusively to philosophy and other non-fictional works through my adolescence till now.

Today I also wrote because I wanted to explain myself. I wanted to explain myself; there was so much to say; and it was tiring and disorganized and self-defeating to explain orally. I needed clarity and structure in my expression, and in my thoughts themselves. That is why I had to write today, and that was the true fuel behind the desire to write even more than some confident conviction in self or an urge to share my ideas. To vindicate myself. But then maybe they aren't so far apart - the desperate and urgent desire to vindicate self and the vain and indulgent desire to re-confirm and celebrate the self.

It is interesting - I used to feel verbally quite undermined because of my lack of command over the new language. And of course I was. But then even limited tools may allow one to express oneself quite freely, if used skillfully and with certainty. I saw this in my tango class the other day - it was the end of one series of the classes, and the teacher declared to us that now we had the tools to explore the dance floor with grace, which she proceeded to demonstrate to us with her assistant. We have yet to acquire the technique and vocabulary to express ourselves in an intricate way, but we now certainly have a variety of simple movements to weave together creatively. Sure, this may be a simplistic analogy. However it is true. It is more the self-conscious inhibition that poses a greater hurdle than the limitedness of tools of expression itself.

posted by the stradgirl* on 23:19|

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

So U of T Law it is.

posted by the stradgirl* on 17:29|

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I say that good painters imitated nature; but that bad ones vomited it.

Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)

posted by the stradgirl* on 00:34|

Saturday, April 21, 2007

I'm obsessed with being a hipster | Salon Life
"I am obsessed with hipsterdom. I don't know why, or what to do about it. I am not a hipster. I never have been. But I have always been on the outward edges, knowing what hip is, knowing people who were hip, while remaining nerdy myself..."

and the letters.

Porn in theory, porn in practice | Salon Life
"I should be able to think about porn dispassionately, but it bothers me a lot!"

posted by the stradgirl* on 00:18|

Friday, April 20, 2007

this is dated, but.

Oprah's ugly secret | Salon Life

By continuing to hawk "The Secret," a mishmash of offensive self-help cliches, Oprah Winfrey is squandering her goodwill and influence, and preaching to the world that mammon is queen.

By Peter Birkenhead

"Steve Martin used to do a routine that went like this: "You too can be a millionaire! It's easy: First, get a million dollars. Now...""

posted by the stradgirl* on 15:54|

Oatmeal Yogurt Chocolate Chip Cookies Recipe

posted by the stradgirl* on 15:17|

Daily Horoscope for Aquarius: One of the problems you may be facing is how to maintain your freedom of movement while simultaneously stabilizing your security. You may not want to give up either your independence or your emotional attachments. Just remember that others cannot solve your irresolvable conflicts. No drastic action is required by you or anyone else now as long as you stay in touch with your feelings. Friday, April 20, 200

I also feel the need to bake a cake.

posted by the stradgirl* on 15:11|

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

- Tom Lehrer

makes my day.

posted by the stradgirl* on 15:10|

For all of us searching for that something great:

I'm scattered and have no ambition -- what's wrong with me?

I could be an actor or a writer or even a therapist, but nothing seems to be worth all the work and commitment.

By Cary Tennis [2007-03-12]

http://letters.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2007/03/12/slacker/view/index1.html?show=ec

posted by the stradgirl* on 14:42|

http://www.philosophynow.org/issue60/60snaevarr.htm

"Life itself may not be a story, but there is no doubt that stories infuse our lives with meaning. We all have a bit of Don Quixote in us..."

posted by the stradgirl* on 00:46|

Thursday, April 05, 2007

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

P. G. Wodehouse (1881-1975)

posted by the stradgirl* on 01:13|

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

gentle soul s

there is too much to say so i can only speak in cryptic, single words.

mad house

i wish i were an artist so i could speak through an image per said single word.

posted by the stradgirl* on 00:01|

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Suéltate las cintas de tu cabello y la falda
y devoremos la noche hasta el alba, así.
Muchachita descalza.

No necesitamos cielo si vos tenés a mi espalda
y la cintura enlazada, así.
Tu cintura de plata.

Si mañana en el pueblo te ríes sola, espera,
No digas el secreto en que me llavas, así.
Junco, flor miel y arena.

posted by the stradgirl* on 22:51|

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?

And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.

What have we found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

I have no idea which song this is from.

posted by the stradgirl* on 18:48|

Monday, February 12, 2007

All right people. You must all listen to (if not buy) this CD. YES. I meant YOU.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FIGGNC/ref=reg_hu-wl_item-added/002-2575968-6908040

posted by the stradgirl* on 09:48|

Sunday, February 11, 2007

"a guide to speaking well about books you’ve never read... "

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/article1334436.ece

From The Times

February 05, 2007

Viewpoint
Sarah Vine

Well, zut alors! A distinguished French literary professor has become a surprise bestselling author by writing a book explaining how to wax intellectual about tomes that you have never actually read.

Pierre Baynard, 52, specialises in the link between literature and psychoanalysis, and says it is perfectly possible to bluff your way through a book that you have never read — especially if that conversation happens to be taking place with someone else who also hasn’t read it. All of which just goes to confirm what I’ve always thought about French academics, which is that mostly they are oversubsidised frauds.

Obviously I haven’t read Mr Baynard’s book; but it is in the spirit of his oeuvre that I shall proceed to write about it anyway. The first thing to say about Comment Parler des Livres que l’on n’a pas Lus ( How to Talk About Books that You Haven’t Read) is what a wonderfully French concept this is. The French take great pride in their intellectual patrimony, considering themselves to be pretty much the inventors of most forms of high art, something that irritates other nations, especially the Italians, a great deal. For them it is crucial to be able to hold their own in a literary conversation, a mark of cultural honour that is the very essence of French-ness. The trouble is, in these busy times, who apart from Alain de Botton has time to really get to the bottom of Proust?

I only have this to say: Ha ha.

it's also funny that Alain de Botton shows up here - my mom was just talking to me about his books earlier tonight! Incidentally, she has not read his books.

posted by the stradgirl* on 01:52|

Friday, February 09, 2007

more in the same vain.

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Gustave Flaubert (1821-1880)

posted by the stradgirl* on 10:45|

articles mentioned:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/01/AR2007020101754.html
Michael Dirda on Kundera's new essay book, The Curtain. " In an age of ephemera, Milan Kundera has long championed the permanence of art and the Flaubertian ideal of making every word count...

http://www.newyorker.com/printables/critics/070212crat_atlarge_rosen
"Charles Darwin spent 20 years keeping evolution to himself in private dread. Alfred Russel Wallace didn’t give a damn what people thought... "
A longer article on Alfred Russel Wallace.

[20:55] cpark014: A true novelist, he proclaims, should aim at nothing less than to build "an indestructible castle of the unforgettable":
"Against our real world, which, by its very nature, is fleeting and worthy of forgetting, works of art stand as a different world, a world that is ideal, solid, where every detail has its importance, its meaning, where everything in it -- every word, every phrase -- deserves to be unforgettable and was conceived to be such."
[20:55] thestradgirl: " To write without having that ambition is cynicism: a mediocre plumber may be useful to people, but a mediocre novelist who consciously produced books that are ephemeral, commonplace, conventional -- thus non-useful, thus burdensome, thus noxious -- is contemptible." !!!
[20:55] cpark014: EXACTEMENT!!!!
[20:55] thestradgirl: YES
[20:55] thestradgirl: :)
[20:56] cpark014: :-)
[20:56] cpark014: a mediocre plumber...
[20:56] thestradgirl: :)
[20:56] cpark014: most certainly what we shan't strive to become!
[20:56] thestradgirl: :)
[20:56] thestradgirl: yeah
[20:57] thestradgirl: that one
[20:57] thestradgirl: meant a lot ot me
[20:57] thestradgirl: with regards to writing..
[20:57] cpark014: you are a Writer.. !
[20:57] thestradgirl: yeah um
[20:57] cpark014: you are a narrator
[20:57] thestradgirl: i neglected it
[20:57] thestradgirl: and didn't put serious effort into it because
[20:57] cpark014: ?
[20:57] thestradgirl: i felt so compelled to be.. somehow naked
[20:57] thestradgirl: honest
[20:57] thestradgirl: and i think i may have restrained myself
[20:57] thestradgirl: in that effort
[20:58] thestradgirl: i mean
[20:58] thestradgirl: writing is fundamentally a different form of expression
[20:58] thestradgirl: from speaking
[20:58] thestradgirl: one does strive for polish
[20:58] thestradgirl: even calculated form and balance
[20:58] thestradgirl: i somehow found all of that deceitful
[20:59] cpark014: hence the candid effusions.. ? or?
[20:59] thestradgirl: it seemed as though i had to package my words/thoughts to be so polished
[20:59] thestradgirl: yep
[20:59] cpark014: words certainly do have that potency
[20:59] thestradgirl: hence the candid effusions.. only improvisatory, mostly insgifnicant free flows of consciousness
[20:59] thestradgirl: yeah
[20:59] thestradgirl: but
[20:59] thestradgirl: it is not a liability
[20:59] thestradgirl: it doesn't have to be.
[20:59] thestradgirl: it has its roles
[21:00] thestradgirl: as polished expression
[21:00] thestradgirl: and a writer must strive to make the most of it
[21:00] thestradgirl: stravinsky's words on restrictions come to mind, again
[21:00] cpark014: hehehe...
[21:00] thestradgirl: :D
[21:00] cpark014: constraints...liberating
[21:00] cpark014: the precision of execution.
[21:01] thestradgirl: the instinct in me to question the "received wisdom" is so great in me that
[21:01] thestradgirl: i think i sometimes rebel too much for my own good
[21:01] thestradgirl: i don't have to reject Form entirely
[21:01] thestradgirl: i can learn to use it as my spring board..
[21:01] cpark014: ggudeh
[21:01] thestradgirl: and i will not be shy to make my writing good
[21:02] thestradgirl: new period in my life, care
[21:02] thestradgirl: :)
[21:02] cpark014: :-)
[21:02] thestradgirl: :)
[21:02] thestradgirl: dude
[21:02] cpark014: you are 23...!
[21:02] thestradgirl: speaking of rejecting the conventional, read the new yorker article! haha
[21:02] thestradgirl: yeah
[21:02] thestradgirl: i am 23
[21:02] thestradgirl: a good age
[21:02] thestradgirl: the start of a real trip
[21:02] cpark014: :-):-):-)
[21:03] cpark014: do you still write? often?
[21:03] thestradgirl: i just write in my journal
[21:03] thestradgirl: but
[21:03] thestradgirl: i have ideas
[21:03] thestradgirl: i will catch them
[21:03] thestradgirl: it seemed a meaningless endeavour for such a long tie
[21:03] thestradgirl: time
[21:04] thestradgirl: but it will only be as meaningless as i make it to be.
[21:04] thestradgirl: i guess you could say the same thing about any creative endeavour
[21:04] cpark014: perhaps it becomes more realized over time
[21:05] thestradgirl: yeah
[21:05] cpark014: but i am certainly no judge of that
[21:05] cpark014: :-)
[21:05] thestradgirl: hee hee
[21:05] cpark014: i merely speculate!
[21:05] thestradgirl: oh yeah
[21:05] thestradgirl: we all do
[21:05] thestradgirl: merely speculate.
[21:06] cpark014: :-)
[21:06] cpark014: i did
[21:06] thestradgirl: what is the meaning of doing anything?
[21:06] cpark014: a lot of reading
[21:06] cpark014: today
[21:06] cpark014: hmm..
[21:06] thestradgirl: that is a question i have asked very often
[21:06] thestradgirl: haha
[21:06] thestradgirl: in college.
[21:06] thestradgirl: oh
[21:06] thestradgirl: reading!
[21:06] cpark014: what is the meaning of doing anything?
[21:06] thestradgirl: reading is a way to partial salvation.
[21:06] thestradgirl: yeah
[21:06] thestradgirl: what is the meaning of doing
[21:06] thestradgirl: ANYthing
[21:07] cpark014: what is the meaning of doing anything... anything .. can be.. a set goal.... what is the meaning of accomplishing this goal...........happiness or a step towards happiness? or perhaps something....
[21:07] thestradgirl: mm.. i don't know
[21:07] cpark014: a sense of accomplishment which can deepen and solidify desires.....?
[21:07] thestradgirl: you could get very buddhist about it
[21:07] thestradgirl: but.
[21:07] thestradgirl: yeah
[21:07] cpark014: hmm
[21:07] thestradgirl: why do these desires matter
[21:07] thestradgirl: in m y case it had so much to do with other people
[21:07] cpark014: hm
[21:07] thestradgirl: fulfilling expectations.. wanting to be loved
[21:07] thestradgirl: oh btw
[21:07] thestradgirl: FM 91.1 very happy music
[21:07] thestradgirl: right now
[21:07] thestradgirl: :)
[21:07] thestradgirl: perfect
[21:07] cpark014: hahahahaaa
[21:08] cpark014: let's see..
[21:08] cpark014: :-)
[21:09] cpark014: are we just.. performers?
[21:09] cpark014: actors acting on some setup
[21:09] cpark014: for an audience?
[21:09] cpark014: whom we may or may not be directly affiliated with?
[21:09] cpark014: whose reactions we will make into our own?
[21:09] cpark014: or at least take into serious consideration
[21:09] cpark014: because
[21:09] cpark014: we have no other way of objectively judging ourselves?
[21:09] thestradgirl: sorry my mom came in.
[21:09] thestradgirl: and.
[21:09] cpark014: no problem!
[21:10] thestradgirl: yeah.. whose reactions we will make into our own.
[21:10] thestradgirl: yeah
[21:10] thestradgirl: what is objectivity
[21:10] thestradgirl: it's strange
[21:10] thestradgirl: like
[21:10] thestradgirl: you know, asking what is reality
[21:10] cpark014: oh man
[21:10] thestradgirl: objectivity.. means absence of subjective opinion
[21:10] thestradgirl: but we all are subjective
[21:10] cpark014: i couldn't answer you in depth until half a bottle of wine later...
[21:10] thestradgirl: so we have rules but.. where do these rules come from? aren't they all arbitarry
[21:10] thestradgirl: yeah
[21:10] thestradgirl: hahahha
[21:11] thestradgirl: but then
[21:11] cpark014: i have no idea where these rules come from.
[21:11] cpark014: WHERE
[21:11] thestradgirl: i know when i hear a very beautiflu sound
[21:11] cpark014: RULE LAND?!?!!
[21:11] thestradgirl: that is a beautiful sound.
[21:11] cpark014: what is that then, what.... is it
[21:11] thestradgirl: i appreciate it subjectively, but it really is superior to many other sounds i hear..
[21:11] thestradgirl: yeah
[21:11] cpark014: the mark of foreign familiarity?
[21:11] thestradgirl: RULE LAND
[21:11] thestradgirl: hahaha
[21:11] cpark014: is it.... something having to do with cognitive science
[21:12] thestradgirl: hahahah
[21:12] cpark014: to each his or her own, in regards to appreciating beautiful sounds...
[21:12] thestradgirl: but then
[21:12] thestradgirl: there is some consensus
[21:12] cpark014: what is beauty?
[21:12] thestradgirl: because say
[21:12] thestradgirl: i play a recording that i like
[21:12] thestradgirl: and you
[21:12] thestradgirl: appreciate it
[21:12] thestradgirl: the beautiful sound that ia ppreciate
[21:12] thestradgirl: and so do many others
[21:12] thestradgirl: of course there is a variety of what constitutes beauty
[21:12] thestradgirl: but there are a few things on whose beauty people agree
[21:13] thestradgirl: i should read some aesthetics.
[21:14] cpark014: maybe we're all just from the same planet.. perhaps we share the same memories but from different phases of our individual lives blended in together like the natural counterpoint of how a woman might turn her head and her neck might resemble a swan on a pond where a man is sitting with another woman who exists in another memory with another man at this same pond...
[21:16] cpark014: .. chal modagaso
[21:16] cpark014: beyond all of us
[21:16] thestradgirl: :)
[21:16] thestradgirl: wo wwow woww owo ww
[21:16] thestradgirl: that is insane
[21:16] thestradgirl: i see a collage
[21:16] cpark014: where?
[21:16] cpark014: hahhaahaha
[21:16] thestradgirl: haha in what you just wrote
[21:16] thestradgirl: what if you wrote
[21:16] cpark014: hahahahahaha
[21:16] thestradgirl: a little figure to each part
[21:17] thestradgirl: the swanlike neck
[21:17] thestradgirl: pond
[21:17] thestradgirl: man
[21:17] cpark014: also it is at night
[21:17] thestradgirl: anothe rman sitting at th esame pond
[21:17] cpark014: the man sitting at the pond
[21:17] cpark014: it is night
[21:17] thestradgirl: different phases.. layered together
[21:17] cpark014: :-) i am no writer
[21:18] thestradgirl: i meant music!
[21:18] cpark014: haha I KNOW
[21:18] thestradgirl: if i were a composer
[21:18] thestradgirl: hahaha
[21:18] thestradgirl: i might try something
[21:18] thestradgirl: like that.
[21:18] thestradgirl: heh
[21:19] cpark014: you should try it!
[21:19] cpark014: i would rather make a short film. i think
[21:19] cpark014: or
[21:19] thestradgirl: oh yhea
[21:19] thestradgirl: short fil
[21:19] thestradgirl: m
[21:19] thestradgirl: woudl be super cool
[21:19] thestradgirl: what if
[21:19] thestradgirl: um
[21:19] thestradgirl: both music AND short filim
[21:19] thestradgirl: or music AND slides
[21:19] thestradgirl: of collage
[21:19] cpark014: dun dun dun.
[21:19] thestradgirl: moving
[21:19] thestradgirl: dun dun dun.
[21:20] cpark014: TWO IDEAS PUT TOGETHER!
[21:20] cpark014: i would have to think about it
[21:20] cpark014: hahahahahaa
[21:20] cpark014: obviously!
[21:20] thestradgirl: :D!!!
[21:20] thestradgirl: obviously!!!
[21:20] thestradgirl: but yeah
[21:20] thestradgirl: FORM IS IMPORTANT!!
[21:20] cpark014: because i am just hearing the guy talking on the radio hahahahaha ;-)
[21:20] cpark014: FORM IS SOO CRUCIAL
[21:20] thestradgirl: hahahah
[21:20] cpark014: foundation, stability, structure...
[21:20] cpark014: the theory of it all
[21:21] cpark014: i had kahlua today
[21:21] thestradgirl: oh yeah?
[21:21] thestradgirl: kahlua
[21:21] thestradgirl: yum yum yum
[21:21] cpark014: :-)
[21:23] cpark014: what is the most beautiful thing
[21:23] cpark014: you can think of
[21:23] cpark014: right now
[21:23] cpark014: randomely
[21:23] cpark014: anything
[21:23] cpark014: that first comes
[21:23] cpark014: to your mind
[21:26] thestradgirl: hahah
[21:26] thestradgirl: um
[21:26] thestradgirl: okay
[21:26] thestradgirl: santa fe
[21:26] thestradgirl: sunset
[21:27] cpark014: when were you there/
[21:27] thestradgirl: never
[21:27] thestradgirl: just saw pictures
[21:27] thestradgirl: my old teacher plays in santa fe opera
[21:27] thestradgirl: haha in the summer
[21:28] cpark014: i like that
[21:28] cpark014: hehe
[21:28] thestradgirl: haha
[21:28] thestradgirl: kay
[21:28] thestradgirl: gotta split..

posted by the stradgirl* on 00:00|

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Tracer Bullet says:
I have to say that my personal favourite wil probably always remain Numbers 22:21... so open to amusing reinterpretation...
Woman from Mars - Miss Sunshine Soo says:
oh which one is that?
Tracer Bullet says:
KJV style: "And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab."
Woman from Mars - Miss Sunshine Soo says:
lol
Tracer Bullet says:
apparantly the Basic English Bible one is even funnier! "So in the morning Balaam got up and, making his ass ready, went with the chiefs of Moab."
Woman from Mars - Miss Sunshine Soo says:
ahahahah
Woman from Mars - Miss Sunshine Soo says:
HAHAHHA
Woman from Mars - Miss Sunshine Soo says:
HAHHAHAHAAHHHAAa
Tracer Bullet says:
sheer comedy value!
Woman from Mars - Miss Sunshine Soo says:
HAHHAAHAAAHA
Woman from Mars - Miss Sunshine Soo says:
HAHAHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
Woman from Mars - Miss Sunshine Soo says:
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHHAAH
Woman from Mars - Miss Sunshine Soo says:
HAHAH...

posted by the stradgirl* on 18:34|

Friday, February 02, 2007

[22:23] thestradgirl: haha
[22:23] thestradgirl: that guy chuckles
[22:23] cpark014: go ma wa yo
[22:23] cpark014: hahah
[22:23] thestradgirl: O YAH
[22:23] thestradgirl: more wine time!
[22:24] cpark014: something to do with bending time..
[22:24] cpark014: 545 am this morning
[22:24] cpark014: friday morning
[22:24] cpark014: when she hit her peak
[22:24] cpark014: to a full boil
[22:24] cpark014: and just
[22:24] cpark014: eluded
[22:24] cpark014: definition
[22:24] cpark014: once again
[22:24] cpark014: as she does when she reaches her fullest hottest brightest moment
[22:24] cpark014: once every ...
[22:24] cpark014: 28 days or so
[22:24] cpark014: .
[22:24] cpark014: such a moon
[22:24] cpark014: such a power
[22:24] cpark014: you're never gone.
[22:26] thestradgirl: i am here.
[22:27] thestradgirl: ohhhhh
[22:27] cpark014: haha i was just writing what he was saying on the radio
[22:27] cpark014: :-D
[22:27] thestradgirl: ARE YOU SERIOUS?
[22:27] thestradgirl: holy shit
[22:27] thestradgirl: he like
[22:27] thestradgirl: fuckin sprouts out poetry.
[22:27] cpark014: and often on friday nights
[22:27] cpark014: when i'm when i like to come out and playu with you
[22:27] thestradgirl: lol what? ?
[22:27] thestradgirl: wow.
[22:27] thestradgirl: holy shit.
[22:27] cpark014: ..programming my way into your zone
[22:27] thestradgirl: wouldn't you love to fuck a man like that.
[22:28] thestradgirl: holy shit.
[22:28] cpark014: ...coming back for a second time.
[22:28] thestradgirl: WHOA
[22:28] cpark014: hahahaha
[22:28] thestradgirl: ar eyou SERIOUS
[22:28] cpark014: words baby.
[22:28] thestradgirl: did you make that up?
[22:28] thestradgirl: lol
[22:28] cpark014: of course not!
[22:29] cpark014: :-)
[22:29] thestradgirl: whoa.
[22:29] thestradgirl: that was fuckin brilliant.

posted by the stradgirl* on 22:29|

[21:51] thestradgirl: o btw
[21:51] thestradgirl: http://stradgirl.blogspot.com/
[21:52] cpark014: wow! it seems like deja vu....!!!!!
[21:52] cpark014: :-):-)
[21:52] thestradgirl: hahahahahah
[21:52] thestradgirl: :P
[21:52] cpark014: i must say cpark014 is quite an awesome and cool individual
[21:52] thestradgirl: yeah woudn't you???
[21:52] thestradgirl: ;)
[21:52] thestradgirl: me on the other hand
[21:52] cpark014: indeed, if i do say so myself!
[21:52] thestradgirl: looks like an utter loon
[21:52] thestradgirl: Y EAH YEAHEAYEHYAEHA EYAE H
[21:52] thestradgirl: SHIT
[21:53] thestradgirl: HAHAHAHHAAHA
[21:53] cpark014: HAHHAHAHAHAH
[21:53] thestradgirl: HEHEHEE EHEHEhe
[21:53] cpark014: but that is the beauty of it!
[21:53] thestradgirl: hahahhah
[21:53] thestradgirl: hahahahahaahah
[21:53] thestradgirl: i love it!!
[21:53] cpark014: ja ja ja!!1
[21:53] cpark014: je l'adore!
[21:53] thestradgirl: wunderbarl!!!!!
[21:53] cpark014: fantastic!!!!
[21:53] cpark014: super!!!!
[21:53] thestradgirl: super with a french accent!
[21:53] cpark014: marvelleuse!!
[21:53] cpark014: YES!!
[21:53] cpark014: EXACTEMENT!!
[21:53] thestradgirl: CERTAINMENT!!
[21:54] thestradgirl: JINJJA!!!
[21:54] cpark014: PRECISELYMENT!!
[21:54] cpark014: JINJJA!!!
[21:54] thestradgirl: YO YOY OYOYO
[21:54] cpark014: !!!!!!!
[21:54] cpark014: !!!!!!
[21:54] thestradgirl: Ohahahaha
[21:54] cpark014: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[21:54] thestradgirl: michussuh
[21:54] thestradgirl: dulda
[21:54] cpark014: un!
[21:54] thestradgirl: michussuh
[21:54] thestradgirl: hahahahah
[21:54] cpark014: un!!!
[21:54] cpark014: oori dool
[21:54] thestradgirl: !!!!!!!1
[21:54] thestradgirl: HAHAHAHAAHAH
[21:54] thestradgirl: DA MICHUSSUH!!!
[21:54] cpark014: michussuh!!
[21:54] thestradgirl: HAHAHHAHAA
[21:54] cpark014: UN!!
[21:54] thestradgirl: HAHHAAH you sound SO Happy too
[21:54] thestradgirl: "UN!!"
[21:54] thestradgirl: hahah
[21:54] cpark014: hahahhahah
[21:54] cpark014: UN!!!1
[21:54] cpark014: :-D:-D
[21:54] thestradgirl: omg.
[21:54] thestradgirl: LOON.
[21:54] cpark014: LOOOON.
[21:55] cpark014: LOOOONOONONNNONNONOOOOL
[21:55] thestradgirl: ERA ER A#@ AW!# @
[21:55] thestradgirl: kay so
[21:55] cpark014: wow.
[21:56] thestradgirl: yeah.
[21:56] thestradgirl: :o
[21:56] thestradgirl: i don't know what happens when we do this
[21:56] thestradgirl: must be because we're both loons
[21:56] thestradgirl: um
[21:56] thestradgirl: so yeah
[21:56] thestradgirl: no sleepy time?
[21:56] cpark014: it is the power of LOONAGE
[21:56] cpark014: not yet!
[21:56] thestradgirl: LOONAGE!
[21:56] cpark014: when you have two loons
[21:56] thestradgirl: the power of LOONAGE!
[21:56] cpark014: at the same time
[21:56] cpark014: UTTER CHAOS ENSUES
[21:56] thestradgirl: O YAH!!!
[21:56] cpark014: ENSOOOOOS
[21:56] thestradgirl: ENSOOOS!!
[21:56] thestradgirl: SOODICULOUS!!!!
[21:57] cpark014: no.
[21:57] cpark014: HAHAHAAHA
[21:57] cpark014: :-D
[21:57] thestradgirl: HAHAHAH

YAR!!!!

posted by the stradgirl* on 21:57|

[21:48] cpark014: otherwise i'll be sleeping on the street
[21:48] thestradgirl: i give you all!
[21:48] thestradgirl: :)
[21:48] cpark014: playing a harmonica
[21:49] thestradgirl: :)
[21:49] thestradgirl: you're so cute
[21:49] cpark014: with a dunkin donuts cup
[21:49] cpark014: heehee
[21:49] thestradgirl: hahahahah
[21:49] cpark014: i'll also attach some bells on my left ankle
[21:49] thestradgirl: :o
[21:49] thestradgirl: :o
[21:49] thestradgirl: HAHHAA
[21:49] cpark014: and castanets glued to my right hand
[21:49] thestradgirl: lol
[21:49] thestradgirl: OMG
[21:49] thestradgirl: HAHAH
[21:49] thestradgirl: you should totally dress up as that
[21:49] thestradgirl: a musical loon
[21:49] cpark014: hahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAAHA
[21:49] thestradgirl: on a halloween.
[21:50] thestradgirl: Hahahahah
[21:50] cpark014: MUSICALOON

posted by the stradgirl* on 21:50|

[21:01] cpark014: oh man precision of execution is the best thing
[21:02] thestradgirl: HEH EHHEe
[21:02] thestradgirl: precision of execution baby!!
[21:02] cpark014: as stravinsky said
[21:02] cpark014: "The more constraints one imposes, the more one frees oneself of the chains that shackle the spirit... the arbitrariness of the constraint only serves to obtain precision of execution."

YAR!!

[21:02] thestradgirl: Y EAH YEHA YEAH YEAHY EAHE AYEHAEAEYA AEFYAFADFD
[21:02] thestradgirl: SHIT
[21:02] thestradgirl: this calls for... cognac and wine and shit!
[21:02] thestradgirl: and chocolate!!
[21:02] cpark014: YES
[21:02] cpark014: and then afterwards some tea
[21:02] cpark014: and lassus's motets
[21:03] cpark014: then acoustic radiohead! and arvo part.
[21:03] thestradgirl: *sigh*
[21:03] thestradgirl: LASSUS
[21:03] cpark014: hahaahaha yes lassus!
[21:03] thestradgirl: Oclus non vide...!
[21:03] cpark014: NO.
[21:03] thestradgirl: HAHAHAAHA
[21:03] thestradgirl: HAHAHAHAHAH
[21:03] thestradgirl: i sang that probably
[21:03] cpark014: if i were sooji bear, i would just say SHIIKORO
[21:03] thestradgirl: a hundred times while you wer napping on my chair
[21:03] cpark014: you probably did
[21:03] thestradgirl: HAHAHHAA
[21:03] thestradgirl: HAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAAH
[21:03] thestradgirl: HAHAHAAHAHAAH
[21:04] thestradgirl: i love mr. d

posted by the stradgirl* on 21:03|

Monday, January 22, 2007

http://www.myspace.com/chrisgalejazz

I think he's totally hot. He's jamming at the Rex tomorrow night. I wish I could go. Anybody want to come join me? Starting at 9:30.

posted by the stradgirl* on 23:36|

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Exuberance is beauty.

H.G. Wells (1866-1946)

I think that's about me. :P

posted by the stradgirl* on 22:32|

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Knowledge without justice ought to be called cunning rather than wisdom.

Plato (427 BC-347 BC)

posted by the stradgirl* on 11:43|

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Woman from Mars - Miss Sunshine Soo says:
can you tell my cold to go away?
nick says:
sure
nick says:
to the virus presently residing in the beautiful temple of julia soohyun "the bomb" nam: please vacate said blessed premises with immediate haste! or i shall bring forth the force of my 500mg viatmin C pill that i took this morning!

[12:03] thestradgirl: ARGH
[12:03] thestradgirl: can you tell my cold to go away?
[12:04] Jantzus: Cold, stop messing around with Soo.
[12:05] Jantzus: Look, we can work out a settlement.
[12:05] Jantzus: If you stop messing with Soo, you can crop up later for one day and infect 8 of the kids that she's working with.
[12:05] Jantzus: Now, you don't take the deal, we'll have the immune system escort you out and you won't get anything.
[12:06] Jantzus: I'll give you 24 hours to think this over, but if you don't make a decision by then, you'll be gone within 36.

posted by the stradgirl* on 12:10|

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating.

O Henry (1862-1910)

:)

posted by the stradgirl* on 14:16|

Saturday, December 23, 2006