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the candid effusion of the enchanting cellist, the stradgirl, THE GIRL.



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Tuesday, July 31, 2001

i guess i'm just too young and unprepared to really, really experience and accept the profound feeling of love. i'm not even sure of my concept of love.. between a man and a woman. that's why i keep watching those wedding story shows on tv, dating stories, movies, etc. but i must admit, i feel more and more confused by them, if not a fleeting second's false enlightenment.

i need to grow up, that's it.. i have too much planned for me and there just doesn't seem to be enough space to allow these overwhelming feelings in, and cultivate and learn about them..
sometimes i wish for having been born a regular girl, into a regular household, so as to be capable of leading my life in a less demanding fashion, and maybe marrying someone truly out of love at whatever time it comes to me, and start a family of my own and be ordinarily happy.

BUT, that's going to be so boring. DON'T tell me it's a misconception, i don't WANT to hear you. i'm completely set on my road to achieving my dreams, a life full of constant excitement, and i will decide to rest or not when i'm old and have had a share of everything i've dreamed of.. it's my obsession over an extraordinary life, that's what's messing me up.. but as well, that's what is driving me toward the best i can be.

posted by the stradgirl* on 16:43|