the candid effusion of the enchanting cellist, the stradgirl, THE GIRL.
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I can't check e-mail at this "!nternet cafe" at Chapters because it refuses to load any site with pop-up ads. Smart thinking, but annoying for me nonetheless.
So the recording itself went pretty well, better with the Elgar than the Cassado - mostly becasue I was already drained of energy by the time I got to the latter after playing through the entire Elgar twice.. and of course with full energy and concentration (or I tried). ARGH.. I just don't want to listen to it. I dread the moment I'm going to have to do it. It's even more horrible than playing itself. (Ah, yes, of course I love it!! Don't be freaked out. But you know what I mean, you don't even like hearing your own damn voice saying a greeting message on your answering machine, right?) It was from 12:30 to 2:30, and since then I got my hair trimmed (just a small trimming cut) and dropped my friend Sharon at work. We chatted for a while and then I walked down Bloor Street, to Chapters. That's where I am writing this from. Now, I am going to go and buy some DVD's.
I am restless. I am more depressed than happy right how, and maybe feeling empty, too, now that I'm done with the recording. Yeah. I have seven days 'til I get back to Boston. I think I have been away from "home" too long. It's really, really time to go back. Not that Toronto and its affordable restaurants aren't nice.
I'm just unhappy right now - can you tell? How could I make myself happy? Any suggestions? How could you maybe brighten me up a little?
I feel a kind of aggression and anger in me.. suppressed and twisted. There is a reason why, but I don't like to think about it.
Anyway. I am off to buy inspiring stuff.
I am so f*cking down.
Oh stop it Soo.. you are being such a loser. Come on!! You did well on your recording, and now it's time to have fun......!!
Yeah. Yeah. I know I know!!!!!
Maybe I need a boyfriend? No, that would be too much emotional baggage. It's not just me that I need to take care of, but also someone else's feelings. I can't even handle myself, I'm a handful all on my own. Eh.. yeah! I need friends maybe. Or maybe I need to listen to music.. and read more. Maybe I just need rest. Maybe I want a hug from Mom. Maybe I need a little "sorry I lied" from my Dad.
Okay this thing warns me that I have 1:52 left, so I should go and publish this. I um love you guys yeah, thanks for reading and for your support. I mean it.. k bye for now, I'll try to be happier and edit this or something at a later time. This is way too grim for my blog. You guys don't need to deal with this.
posted by the stradgirl* on 17:51|